Why Bosnia?

 As most of you know, I've pulled up all my roots and relocated to Bosnia. The most common question I'm asked by Americans and Bosnians alike is 'why Bosnia?' I am incredibly thankful and lucky that I was able to find a job in my career field directly after graduation. 

It honestly began in February 2024. I was applying to summer festivals (read; political monetary vultures) as any good music student does. I applied for four this year, seems to be the number I lean towards. One I know I'll get into, a reach, and some fun ones, possibly someone I'd like to study with. I was denied from all of them. Now keep in mind, if you yourself are in this situation, many people need double reed players to fill holes as summer approaches. This is how I've obtained many of my festival experiences but this year it just didn't work out with scheduling (thank you so much Robyn for your support and continuous invitations!) 

I didn't have a job at the time or even lined up post graduation, my plan was to continue teaching lessons and hopefully obtain enough students, opportunities, and gigs to support myself for a year until I applied to DMA programs. With continual denial from festivals, jobs, conference applications I was beginning to worry. I reached out to Dr. Scott Pool and asked if he still had room in his summer festival TALIS, located in Sarajevo Bosnia. In fact he did (it was an affordable entrance fee and experience!).

While I was at TALIS Dr. Pool and I were speaking one day about an internship that used to exist with the Sarajevsko Philharmonika. They would house and pay for a few American students of needed instruments (i.e. bassoon, oboe, horn) to come and play for a year. I asked if this was still running and if I could gather more information on it. 

The next thing I know, the principal bassoonist of the philharmonic is at one of our concerts. He finds me and says 'you're interested in internship? We don't have that anymore since covid. I need second bassoon, I've heard your recordings, you want job?' 

Of course I said yes. 

I sold everything I owned to buy my bassoon this summer. I sold my car, my couch (iykyk), my bikes, most all of my furniture that Michael would't need, reeds and extra bassoon supplies. I had nothing. I lived with my parents (thank you for always letting me sneak back in when life gets a little crazy) and had no plan for the next year. In fact, I was wondering when I pull the plug and rent an apartment in Lansing to be closer to my students... Ironic. 

I packed my life into two suitcases (def. should have done more) and moved across the world to an adorable city that I was only semi familiar with and did not speak the language. I've left my dog and my family back in Michigan which breaks my heart but I know this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. 

I currently play with the philharmonic when scheduled (I tend to have lots of time off, so if you've got book recommendations or would like to grab a digital coffee, I'm in!) I teach my students online (10p my time, but they're all so great about practicing and showing up on time! Its truly so fulfilling to spend time with them each week). I take Bosnian class once a week and am learning how to not be in school. What a wild thing. I have free time. I started doing yoga and RUNNING FOR FUN... I look forward to practicing fundamentals more than anything (still learning new bassoon). I've found a ski mountain to volunteer at this winter. I consume SO. MUCH. BREAD and espresso its truly glorious. Yet at the same time when I do my doom scrolling at night I do still feel a little displaced, watching American based tick-tocks and what my friends and family are doing in their daily lives. 

What am I listening to this week: anything Christopher Tin

Play some long tones <3 

EM

Rules to live by

 I’ve been soul searching while enjoying my time at Lutheran Summer Music Festival. Being around so many great musicians as fellows and great eager kids has brought a few things to light. 

Rule 1. A person is a person first. Here I relate this to musicians in a way that the violinist that is struggling to play their part in orchestra that you should remember they’re human. They’re probably super nervous, possibly embarrassed or angry at themselves but they’re being incredibly brave by exposing their internal soul sharing music. As difficult as it is for young players to not make fun of each other a quick reminder of this rule or even if they’ve felt uncomfortable struggling to play their part for the class usually thwarts all negative feelings. IF we were to allow these teasings or faces of prudence to continue towards a struggling ensemble member we vary well may plant hatred in the struggling member, or even imposter syndrome. 

Rule 2. Worry about yourself. I recently brought a difficult piece (not quite performance ready) to an accompanist. Prior to us even playing anything together they mentioned “I’m so sorry about this, I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with this, I’m working on a lot of things but we’ll give it a go.” I told them not to worry at all! The run through went pretty darn well and we touched up the spots that were difficult. I was quickly reminded and mentioned to my collaborative pianist, “I only worry about myself and my notes, you can do whatever you’d like back there on the keys (possibly stay in the correct key signature) but we’re here to make music and I’ve got too many notes to be worrying about what comes out of your instrument.” If we become people who thing we’re prepared enough to worry about others we aren’t prepared. There are so many things we could do better at one given point, and again you never know what others are going through, maybe your comment about them being flat is the thing that finally sets them over. 

Rule 3. No one is dying. I struggle with this being a person who is frequently in high stress situation and is trained to work though these times efficiently with a team. I have a hard time remembering that most people don’t do this or their brains don’t function this way because I am often surrounded by people like this as my family. Any situation you find high stress or is too much for you to handle, it means you place high value on it but often we forget the positive in situations like this and only feel the stress. No one is dying. Everything is okay, people make mistakes, but mistakes happen and things can be fixed. Someone will turn around and say ‘BuT wHaT iF SoMeOnE iS dYiNg?!’ Guess what friends, that happens, and its okay. It is a way of life none of us will escape, hopefully we will all live long lives and not experience it sooner than necessary. 

Thanks all!

Have fun and remember to practice

EM 

Bassoons supporting Bassoons

 Ya know whats cool about being in a studio with lots of great bassoonists?

1. Our professor is generally proud of us and called us "truly an outstanding class." 

2. We continuously compare ourselves to each other. This may sound negative but it is in the most wholehearted manor possible. When speaking to each other about playing passages or in master class, its always something along the lines of "well I wish I played like you did in X..." Which is a really great problem to have because its constantly lifting each other up and simultaneously pushing us to get better. It's a healthy competitive atmosphere. 

3. We are always asking peers how to do things better or about equipment we use. I play a lot for my studio peers individually as I'd love their comments. A lot of these people have various different training backgrounds and most are very qualified to give feedback/suggestions. It's also super cool having a diverse studio as we all play with different equipment and since they're all super nice people they're more than willing to let you borrow or try out their equipment prior to committing to a purchase. Or heck even buy it from them with a food payment! 

4. We practice together. Almost every week we play the scale game in studio. Consists of; one person plays a scale (type determined in the prior week) and we go around the circle of fifths as we go person to person, each on playing one scale of a minimum of 2 octaves. BUT if you mess up/play an incorrect note - you must start at the beginning and play through all the scales. So we tend to practice scales together in private prior to presenting them in class, it does make it loads more fun.

5. We try to hold a weekly reed night. To get together once a week outside of school, decompress, talk about our weeks, assignments, make reeds, and play ridiculous chamber music/games. 

6. We generally really like each other. Obviously we don't all have to be best friends but I feel that most everyone gets along well. Well enough that we're trying to go on a camping trip over fall break. Could be a great time. 

Efficiency of mind or body?

Labor day weekend...

Did I do anything productive/even remotely 'normal' in terms of productivity over the glorious 3 day weekend? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Heck I took my bassoon out once, to test two reeds that were crap! It was great but a lot more stressful than I thought. It did give me a lot of time to think and plan my next moves/semester to see what I really wanted to do with this Graduate Degree... We're getting there but hey, its my money so who cares?

Day after labor day weekend...

Guys, I worked (as I do every M, Tues, Thurs 5a-9a, lifeguarding is really the way to go in order to work full time and go to school time plus have free time). Had class 10-11, sang some awesome Modal melodies that make way more sense than moveable Do sightsinging. Then I practiced for 2.5 hours, went home, lunched, napped (seem to be doing a lot of this but also at great times to gain weight, like right after eating lol) then went back to school to set up for rehearsal, practiced another 2.5 hours and was held accountable by an awesome new friend to run. It was supposed to be a 5k(ish) as its my first run post triathlon and we did over 4.

EM

Hours practiced - 5!!!

Rough first lesson... but so much to learn

 I had my first *bassoon* lesson today. I honestly feel kind of sad/depressed about it. Maybe even just disappointed in myself. 10/10 imposter syndrome. I prepared the Saint Saëns Bassoon Sonata (first movement) in about a week.... Played the notes on the page but there wasn't anything else there. Did some dynamics, most articulations and WOWZA tuning was all over. Passive playing rather than active/proactive playing. I'm currently having a hard time remembering that this is exactly why I'm here, to take my music to next level, its so cool but its so hard to hear.. 'thats great' (Unenthusiastically) but do this. Which is equally hard because its what I say to MY students - compliment sandwich. 

Listening back on my lesson there were a lot of good things. And in reality we only have an hour together so it was, 'that was good, now lets...' lol. As Michael said "High expectations probably means he thinks you can get there too." Which I absolutely agree with - its just more critiquing and nit-picking I'm not used to. Again, it's exactly why I'm here. To do more. 

I guess in summary it felt like a masterclass I was SUPER underprepared for. 

Saint Saëns Bassoon Sonata written in 1921, Saint Saëns stated, a model of transparency, vitality and lightness", containing humorous touches but also moments of peaceful contemplation." The scholar Jean Gallois states that this piece is “a model of transparency, vitality and lightness", containing humorous touches but also moments of peaceful contemplation."

I also just discovered Bram Van Sambeek as a bassoonist thanks to a fellow classmate and he has a great recording of this piece on youtube.

Guess Who's Back?!

 

I'm back in business and it feels so good! After some time off of school and working in real life it feels great to get back to music school. Real life isn't the most fun, especially when it's working in a field not based in your specialized degree. 

I've moved 14 hours away to North Carolina. I am currently studying for my Masters of Music at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts (UNCSA). And no, even though Michael believes that because it's a UNC school I'll be able to get (him) into basketball games with my school ID, I won't be able to. UNCSA is honestly the best of both worlds. It is a state funded school, hence the UNC portion, and decent scholarships. AS WELL as a school of the arts giving it the small conservatory vibe. At UNC we have five different speciality schools; Dance, Design and Production (DNP), Drama, Filmmaking, and Music. This also means theres bound to be some sort of arts performance every day, AND THEY'RE SUPER COOL! UNCSA is a high school, undergrad and graduate campus housing about 1200 students. 

I had an incredibly difficult time finding housing prior to moving down here. I started looking in February when I received my acceptance letter. Time after time I was told the apartment complexes wouldn't know until about June due to a 60 day move out notice required from tenants. So I tried again in June (I basically never stopped calling and harassing the apartment complexes because I NEEDED a place to live and roommate options were slim pickings.) It was a week before I was due to move down and I still didn't have a place, so after a few mental breakdowns on Monday of that week (Sorry Michael) I contacted my professor asking for help and within 24 hours I had met my new roommate. It just-so-happened there was a girl who recently received a job position in New Jersey and needed a sublet. I moved in on Thursday. And by "move in" I mean, all of my belongings were in the living room and I was also sleeping and living in the living room. It really wasn't horrible! The only issue was my lack of semi-formal clothing available to wear to school (theres a big thing about no jeans here, which makes me SUPER nervous to even wear shorts!) 

There are no amount of words that can describe how happy I am to be back in music school. Everything was a hot mess getting there from housing, to health forms, to holds on my account and lack of communication from the school (that might still be happening) at times it would've been so much easier to stay in Michigan, live with Michael and work in an Aquatic facility for the rest of my life, possibly subbing and teaching lessons. Right as I was leaving there was an aquatic manager position opening at Borgess... But I wouldn't be fulfilled the way I needed to be. 

My first day on campus orientation was a rough 3 hour wait to get my student ID but once I stepped into the recital hall for our graduate student meeting, I learned of all the amazing workshops and masterclasses we will be hosting this year, stellar music programming and my graduating class full of pretty neat people. It honestly made me second guess my career path, maybe I do want to teach? Perfect world = teaching at a college and playing in a nearby orchestra? Ballet opera? No idea. 

Hours practiced 1ish (+2 more scheduled this evening)

Reed making 1ish hour

EM

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The practicing doubts are still present.... But I am at a point where practicing feels good. I think its really just the simple concept that it takes a bit to put the bassoon together, now including a music stand, get water, soak reeds, hope the reeds work well as I haven't been able to purchase new cane yet (but my fingers are crossed and I'm knocking on wood because the reeds in my case are doing just fine!) I've decided to prepare for a bassoon competition. The music is pretty stellar, a Vivaldi concerto, and a piece by Jose Siqueira. The second piece is right up my ally of new-age pieces, I would file this similarly with the Tansman Sonatine. Its a ripper. Which means one has the opportunity to let go and play. These are my favorite pieces. You still have your standard priorities of intonation, timbre, rhythm, and correct notes but these pieces are challenging in a way that are equally rewarding (and make you sound pretty bad ass) (link to Tansman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6Q45VC16lc) BUT I find that the Siqueira piece is a bit repetitive in the tenor range. I love a good piece such as anyone but just hanging out in the tenor range and repeating the theme multiple time kills my face (or maybe that's my limited practiced embouchure speaking). The Vivaldi is going well, some parts are fantastically easy but then you move on in the piece and get slaughtered..... mainly by ridiculous jumps! Over an octave! But it sounds so cool!


But the biggest thing I think about lately is what I'm going to do in order to graduate and what am I going to do after I graduate. With the pandemic still very at large there is the possibility of classes being online this upcoming fall. I'm supposed to graduate in December, all that's left is to take - Orchestra, Lessons, Composition, Area III - American music or Sociology at KVCC, and the humanities area - Medical Humanities. I was going to take a scuba diving class and become scuba certified but.... that's a little difficult to do online.... If we have classes in person as the school says we will everything will be fine but I've been preparing for the worst. I'm taking the required freshman level English course currently through KVCC (after completing my baccalaureate writing requirement in both English and Spanish...oops) and I registered to take a sociology course at KVCC in summer II to make my course load lighter this fall. I do know that since I played with a university orchestra, Orquesta del Universidad Nacional, and took lessons with Isabel Jerimas down in Costa Rica I could apply to have those be used as my orchestra and lessons credit for this fall if needed. (little secret is that everyone who played in an ensemble and took lessons this spring semester at WMU got it waived completed due to the pandemic.... obviously the right thing to do but I want to be included too! lol) I was told that if we are unable to have classes in person this fall that my orchestra and lesson requirements would not hold me back from graduating.


What do I want to do after I graduate?
There are three options. The first is the one I'm leaning towards the most lately, is to go to school to become a paramedic (takes about 2 years) while waiting for Michael to graduate and then we can talk about choosing a Graduate school and location we both agree on. This would be perfect because I've been struggling with the idea of wanting to be involved in the medical field but I don't want to stop playing music in order to go to school for medicine. I am on the sub list for the Holland Symphony, play principal in Elkhart symphony, play in the Kalamazoo Philharmonic so I think I've got the music continuation down.... Plus I've been having a bit of imposter syndrome lately, feeling that I'm not ready to go to grad school. I don't really feel that all comfortable with all my scales, plus I want to fully learn modes. I just feel like I have a lot more I want to learn and re-learn prior to taking all of those grad school entrance exams plus playing auditions.


The second option, to join the military. This is by far the most financially stable idea. 20 years in and you get retirement with full benefits (I could retire at 42). Now I really dislike the idea of having to play with a band for 20 years... I personally don't believe you need bassoons in a band unless playing certain repertoire. I've had my part doubled by the entire low section too many times to care. You can't hear the bassoon at all and its almost a waste of time (unless you write specifically a part for the bassoon). BUT in the military I could also use my Spanish as translating skills, and I could even switch my job assignment later on if I'd like to something in the medical field.


The third option, brought to you by listening to Double Reed Dish (great podcast!),to say heck with it all and begin auditioning for orchestra jobs. After all one doesn't begin learning until they get their first orchestra job. And I bet I could find an opening in a Spanish speaking country. BUT I would be away from Michael. I would have to pay for the flight, room and boarding for the trip to the audition in hopes that I might win the position. It's all just too much of a chance I'm afraid to take.


In searching for answers I've realized that its okay to not know what you want to be when you grow up. And that I'm afraid to not use either of my undergraduate degrees. I paid a lot of money for them after all.....


Have a good holiday weekend and feel free to contact me with tips tricks and advice!
emastenbrook911@gmail.com
or leave a comment with your contact info


EM