What do you want to be when you grow up?

Many people won't understand why I have a huge dilemma on what I want to be when I grow up.  I have narrowed it down to two options, the first is risking a stable salary and my sanity to become a professional musician. This would mean moving away from my family and probably living on little to no money for a while until I find a stable job and that could take at least two years just to apply to.

But why would you go through that? Why would you go through the possibility of not having a job or even the possibility of not being able to eat or have a nice home?

I'll pretend that I am cool and answer these questions with a question, have you ever found something you loved so much that made you happy and made you all sappy and emotional when you think about it? To me that's music. There are certain classical songs I can't listen to without breaking down into tears because I remember the people I played those songs with and I remember why I did it I remember how amazing these people are and now I remember that they're half way across the country and I will probably never see them again. But it's not only the people it's being able to feel each other and communicate without saying or touching each other, it's about sharing something together that we created. It is something very difficult to explain to outside population who don't play an instrument.

The second option is safe. Its music marketing or performing arts administration. Here I would help organize and manage symphonies, ballets, and operas. It's a safe stable well paying job and I would still get to be around music but I don't know If i'll be able to perform along side them. I don't know if I would teach bassoon on the side to curb the craving of performance or not. I just don't know where I'll be in 10 years, and yes that's scary but I've kind of already accepted it and made a decision...


This is something that came up today when I had to fill out a goals sheet for bassoon studio, I had to write it down and try to explain it to the general population.

Don't practice too hard:

PS: my lesson was awesome today, I got an A and I also received an A on my spanish quiz!

Emily